48 – the long overdue departure

Let’s not turn this into the obligatory “new year, new me!” post, despite the date. It’s not even “new year, same me”, maybe more like.. “new year, save me”.

Anyway.

Quite a lot of things happened since the previous post, and unfortunately almost none of them were in the positive sense. Holding on to hope became a task, or maybe even a chore. It was just.. a flurry of all my triggers, worst fears, and nightmares happening at once.

But you know what? I held on. I held on for dear life, and boy was I glad to see the back of 2020 last night, because I was absolutely DONE with everything from last year. No sugarcoating and all that, I was just happy to not be involved with 2020 any more.

Am I expecting a calendar switch to instantly, magically change everything for the better? .. I wish I was that naïve. But I guess it’s the idea that we all collectively get to put a chapter tab on the massive shit show and get on with the next one, and maybe.. just somehow pull a new trick and make things a bit brighter, do stuff a little smarter, and at least be a little better. If it allows us to have a chance of shutting out bad memories and if it gets people to be kinder to themselves and their surroundings, then I’m definitely down for that.

Sure enough, I’m not expecting anything grand to happen this year, nor am I putting any grand expectations on myself for this year. Should anything good happen, then yay. I’ll celebrate and enjoy as they come. I’ve been through enough last year to know better than to put any unnecessary pressure on myself. I just hope I can be gentle and consistent on myself. As long as I can get proper sleep at night, I know I’ll have made it.

So yeah.. Here’s to a new year and all that.

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