38 – the extension that keeps on extending

Alright. This whole quarantine circus has just been officially extended until May 22. I wish I could figure out how to properly react to it, but in all honesty I’m just numb right now.

I’ve lost count on how many days it’s been anyways.

Well, at least now that Ramadhan is here, I’ll have something else to write about.

And also, May is around the corner. I hope the cycle of getting physically unable to get sad or feel down keeps on coming around this year. It’s been a rough couple of months for me, if anything I deserve a little birthday month feel-good. And I know it will happen. It must.

p.s: I finally counted back. It’s been day 42 today.

37 – the one month mark

Well, here we are. Hermit-ing it up at home, with nothing much to do except work. All month long. If there’s any clear message from all the mess currently going on that I can take, it’s that I should be extra careful what I wish for.

I remember thinking to myself these thoughts:

  • “Wow, I can definitely stay at home and not come out for ages”. Yeah.. Guess who’s bored out of her skull now.
  • “Screw the office life, give me something I can do every day at home and I’ll be happy”. Er.. Nah. Not that happy.
  • “Ya know, I’m actually pretty happy not having to be in touch with so many people”. ..Except that now I’m the one reaching out to them just to get whatever human interaction.

It’ s just.. weird. Weird in the sense that the introvert in me is beginning to question whether I’m still an introvert at all. Weird in the sense that as a self-proclaimed workaholic, work is absolutely driving me nuts. now. Weird in the sense that for someone who is supposed to be enjoying solitude, all I feel now is just plain numbness.

This whole thing just hasn’t panned out the way i had imagined it to be. And it’s just somewhat disappointing when what you have always thought as your perfect scene would turn out to be sucky. 

I mean, sure. there’s of course a flipside to everything that’s going on. like how I actually get to sleep properly nowadays, no more of that two-hours-of-sleep-every-day nonsense. I don’t need to fuss about my hair every single day and I have even learned to prolong the time between hair washes, which is something that I have never ever thought I would be able to do. Of course, now also comes the freedom for me to work with the music on loud. Also, for the record, working while wearing shorts is an absolute privilege. When the time comes, getting back into trousers and jeans might come somewhat problematic to me since I’ve been getting very accustomed to doing everything in shorts, and it’s just. so. goshdarned. comfortable.

But it’s just weird. I know I’ve said it in the paragraphs above, but I really don’t know how else to describe the whole condition right now. It’s just somewhat ironic, if not disappointing, seeing that I pretty much grew up wishing to be a hermit and now that I’m forced to be an actual hermit, just like everybody else, I’m not quite sure if I’m really enjoying this. It always ends up this way doesn’t it? We spend most of our lives wishing that we were somewhere else doing something else not having to deal with anyone else, and when it happens, we find ourselves not actually enjoying it that much. Cats have been getting it right the whole time. You spend most of your days wishing for something else comma and when it happens you just demand to go right back where you started the first time around.