14 – Day 8 – the fight to stay alive
Day 8 : Share something you struggle with
I guess I shouldn’t be going around the issue, now that it has been around for some time.
Not only my weight is a big problem, the face that my whole body is a catch-22 just gets too stressful at times.
I started law school not even weighing 40 kgs, having absolutely nothing on me and looking like an emaciated boy. No lie. As school started rolling in, biological hours started going awry and so did eating habits and resting habits. Hence, massive weight gain. If you think I’m being too much, try gaining nearly 20 kgs. That’s already half the size I was. So yes, that was quite a big change.
Things started going even further south when I started working, and all physical activity just completely went out the window. 2011-2012 were quite literally the worst times my body ever had to endure, peaking at getting obscenely near to liver failure. Slowly, I decided to change for the better and developed a jogging habit. Things started going for the better, slightly. However, I didn’t push myself enough. Pushing myself that hard just seemed a bit pointless when you only have a couple of hours on the weekends, you see?
Enter grad school. The big move to Singapore, walk walk walk everywhere. What’s a little sunburn, but what mattered is that I could pull more runs. Living right across the Botanic Gardens just seemed the perfect fit. 2 KMs slowly became 5, which then became 7, and 10 and then 12. I braved getting involved in runs, despite lacking techniques and sucking so bad in my timing. But hey, as long as it gets me moving, right? Wrong. Law grad school = bye bye rest. To be honest, I’m still not sure how I managed to stay alive with such little sleep and nutrition (Mind you, I moved abroad not knowing how to cook. Bloody hell, I didn’t even have the guts to turn on the gas stove), I still think it’s a miracle that I’m still alive now.
However, it seems that one can only do so much damage to their own body. Arrythmia is no joke, apparently. And what sucks is that I’ve had it all along. Gone were my days of long runs, and I still tried to maintain a steady gym schedule. But to be honest, it’s gets mentally tiring working out to get healthy and ending up collapsing in the process, a few times over. Having to take medicines prior to a workout just so I could survive, it just feels absolutely ridiculous. Sure, I try to regulate my intakes and my resting hours. But in all honesty, that can only help so much.
Hence, the big struggle: maintaining my body when all it has been doing throughout my whole existence is staging a coup against me.