in defense of being verbose

24 – the “oh” moment.

Sep
24

After spending a whole night in the dumps, I just realized that having had heart problems for a while now, I’m most probably one of the biggest experts when it comes to navigating through life with a broken heart.

Oof haha.

Oh come on, don’t we all love a little self-deprecating joke moment every once in a while?

17 – the like in I love you

Oct
11

image

It’s almost stupid, how I suddenly find myself back in this situation. Just when I thought I was done with the silliness, turns out it’s not the case at all. And above all, it had to be you. Out of all the people inhabiting this earth.

Not that I mind..

16 – the breakdown

Sep
20

I didn’t even make it 10 days straight, that Goddamned challenge.

No, I didn’t fall sick or something. And work hasn’t been unusually busy or something, save for some meetings and appointments. Nothing quite out of the ordinary, really.

So why did I fall off the wagon? I simply got too tired. Not in the sense that I was so worn out that I couldn’t sit down to write, oh no. It’s just that I learned the hard way, scheduled blogging is not my thing. Either that, or mental fatigue is taking its toll.

But in all fairness though, how does one get to conclude that they have been hit by mental fatigue? How burned out do you have to be to earn the “Spare me a break, I’m mentally exhausted” card?

For once though, I’m not going to let this self-diagnosed pity party get to me. I’m making small changes lately, let’s see if it works..

14 – Day 8 – the fight to stay alive

Aug
21

Day 8 : Share something you struggle with

I guess I shouldn’t be going around the issue, now that it has been around for some time.

 

Not only my weight is a big problem, the face that my whole body is a catch-22 just gets too stressful at times.

I started law school not even weighing 40 kgs, having absolutely nothing on me and looking like an emaciated boy. No lie. As school started rolling in, biological hours started going awry and so did eating habits and resting habits. Hence, massive weight gain. If you think I’m being too much, try gaining nearly 20 kgs. That’s already half the size I was. So yes, that was quite a big change.

Things started going even further south when I started working, and all physical activity just completely went out the window. 2011-2012 were quite literally the worst times my body ever had to endure, peaking at getting obscenely near to liver failure. Slowly, I decided to change for the better and developed a jogging habit. Things started going for the better, slightly. However, I didn’t push myself enough. Pushing myself that hard just seemed a bit pointless when you only have a couple of hours on the weekends, you see?

Enter grad school. The big move to Singapore, walk walk walk everywhere. What’s a little sunburn, but what mattered is that I could pull more runs. Living right across the Botanic Gardens just seemed the perfect fit. 2 KMs slowly became 5, which then became 7, and 10 and then 12. I braved getting involved in runs, despite lacking techniques and sucking so bad in my timing. But hey, as long as it gets me moving, right? Wrong. Law grad school = bye bye rest. To be honest, I’m still not sure how I managed to stay alive with such little sleep and nutrition (Mind you, I moved abroad not knowing how to cook. Bloody hell, I didn’t even have the guts to turn on the gas stove), I still think it’s a miracle that I’m still alive now.

However, it seems that one can only do so much damage to their own body. Arrythmia is no joke, apparently. And what sucks is that I’ve had it all along. Gone were my days of long runs, and I still tried to maintain a steady gym schedule. But to be honest, it’s gets mentally tiring working out to get healthy and ending up collapsing in the process, a few times over. Having to take medicines prior to a workout just so I could survive, it just feels absolutely ridiculous. Sure, I try to regulate my intakes and my resting hours. But in all honesty, that can only help so much.

 

Hence, the big struggle: maintaining my body when all it has been doing throughout my whole existence is staging a coup against me.

5 – the one that gets me crying. every. single. time.

Jul
13

“Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you”