After spending a whole night in the dumps, I just realized that having had heart problems for a while now, I’m most probably one of the biggest experts when it comes to navigating through life with a broken heart.
Oh come on, don’t we all love a little self-deprecating joke moment every once in a while?
Funny how things have changed so much within a few years.
I just woke up from my deep slumber, after losing sleep due to nightmares the previous night.
Surprisingly, I woke up feeling so thankful for being so-well rested. And also, I can’t help but to notice the stark change.
I remember a couple of years ago waking up at roughly the same time of morning, only to cry my eyes out due to the fact that I actually still had to wake up and didn’t just go in my sleep.
I see, this has been one of those times when you are really just grateful for the most random moments.
Well, well. Look who’s back here.
Yes, it has indeed been ages since I last wrote here. More than one year. And what a period it has been.
Some 1+year later, a few kilograms heavier, after a new job, some few more countries visited, some new people encountered, a new way of approaching life viewed, I guess now I can say, yours truly is back here to stay.
I guess the picture above sums up my life lately. Still somewhat blurry and out of place, but hey. If it feels good, then I feel good.
Japan was nice. Cold, but nice.
Truth be told, I wasn’t sure whether I was going until the weekend before. Not with all that was going on in my head. But then again, I had the tickets, reservations, visa, everything. I literally took off to the airport only thinking “Well, it would have been a bigger waste if I had ended up not going”.
In all fairness, it didn’t really take my mind 100% off of things. Especially not about you, in case you’re reading this (and I’m sure you know who you are).
However, it certainly was nice to get away from my own thoughts. God knows I haven’t been in the best mental state these days, and the trip really served as a good distraction. 7 days of only thinking about where to go and what new sights to see was definitely a much needed change.
And also, what better way than a 7-day trip topped off by a 7-hour flight to make me realize that I actually have other things to think about. It’s like the big blinking “JUST CHILL ALREADY” sign finally went on in my brain.
I’m not suddenly going to get all “I’m a world traveler” and the like, God knows when I’m going to even be able to secure another day of leave. But yes, this was a nice little sobering trip away from all the mess in my head.
Really hope there will be more chances alike, though I’m not sure when.
Hey. I know you’ll never see or read this, and that’s exactly why I posted here. Chicken shit, I know. But then again, straightforward communication has never been our strongest suit anyway.
Don’t get me wrong: I enjoyed what we had. I really did. ..Or at least what I thought we had anyways. For what it’s worth, you really know how to make someone feel special. I especially enjoyed the comfort of knowing that there is actually someone who seemed to understand me so well. I appreciate the fact that you always leaned in to hear me better instead of making me speak louder in a crowd. And of course, the sweet little nothing comments you give that always put me off guard. Every single time. I loved how you just successfully pull off the little things that matter. It’s like you managed to read through me so thoroughly, and not a lot of people have succeeded in doing so. And I especially love how you seem to pull that off effortlessly.
But here’s the thing : I’m letting you go, and I’m sure you know what I mean this time.
Continue reading “20 – the message you’ll never read anyway.”