in defense of being verbose

36 – the to-do list

Mar
29

Day 17 today.

Still not complaining (yet), but in my mind I’ve already got a number of things I plan on doing when all this virus drama is over, namely:

  1. Get a full medical check up and finally get that allergy panel test done and over with
  2. Paint my hair an outrageous colour (final result may vary lol)
  3. Get a full body (esp. back) massage, facial, all the works.
  4. Do a leisurely 5K around the block
  5. Return to the gym every 2 days. Mark my words on this.
  6. Stop leaving my shoes at the office.
  7. TRAVEL, GODDAMNIT.

I know that’s not a lot, but trust me. All that, and this girl will be her chippery self again. Well, at least that’s how I imagine it would be.

35 – the new normal?

Mar
22

I’ve always had this plan in my mind that my loft should be able to be my living space. And granted, day 10 of me sticking at home, it has proven quite alright at doing so.

But something just struck me this morning: How long is this thing going to stick around? What if this becomes the new normal? What if when all this blows over, people actually find it hard to get back to how things were?

Ah, to be (somewhat) young, homebound and overthinking..

34 – the forced reset

Mar
19

Not sure how to react to all this pandemic virus, what with this country holding the second highest mortality rate.

Trips canceled, work disrupted, bedrooms converted, what have you.

I’m supposed to be taking a break as of now, but hey. Apparently, the Universe needs that break more than I do and that’s what it’s doing now. Mother Earth is winning right now, and there’s nothing we can do.

But am I right in thinking it’s human for me to still be pissed that I’m not going to be in the UK as I should be?

33 – the tiny baby rocket that finally took off

Jul
01

Never been this excited in my whole life.

Sure, we must endure all kinds of fuckeries in laying down the foundations of this company, but how many people will ever get to build something grand from the ground up?

Bloody hell, if it gets me to dance in public for the first time in my life, I’m sure it’s something different.

This is it, gang. Time to soar to distances we normally would have never thought of.

32 – the apology from the misfit

Jun
08

Dear family,

I love you way beyond words. I really do. No words needed, I would take a bullet for you any given second. Unfortunately, I learned during this holiday season that you are the biggest trigger to my anxiety.

All this time, it’s been my life goal to devote myself to you. No matter how busy I get, family time should always be family time. I intend on still keeping it that way for years to come.

It’s just sad that some (if not most) of you are the ones who also have the freedom to make comments at me, though they may be harmless in intention, but nonetheless hurtful. And triggering.

It’s just gotten really exhausting having to freak out every night before a family function, being excited at the thought of not being alone and actually surrounded by family that will stick with me the entire time, but also terrified of thinking what kind of comments you will throw at me, and still unable to pick up the courage to admit to any of you that I’ve got problems.

And sadly, it looks that I’ll spend the rest of my life being a disappointment to you from having you think I’ve grown more and more distant and antisocial, when in actuality I’m just not sure how to let you down with the fact that I’m so far removed of what’s been expected me so far.

I swear, I’m not being the ignorant little ass that I must seem to be right now. I’m just not sure on how I should find the middle ground. I’m sorry. It’s hard when the only two members of the family I absolutely feel comfortable with are on the other side of the globe and in another universe altogether.