in defense of being verbose

25 – the eye-opening shock(s) to the heart

Oct
30

Currently sitting in the same spot I’ve always sat on in this all-too familiar airport, I can’t help but to wonder how the hell have I managed to keep my head above water amidst the whirlwind of all weird events that have happened these past few weeks. That, and the fact that my flight might get cancelled since another flight heading the same direction just got cancelled (reason still unknown, but I’ll be damned if it’s the weather).

I guess I’ve finally had my life-changing moment (For the hundredth time, you might say, since my life seems to always take unexpected turns when anyone least expects it. But please bear with me for now.) and these past few weeks I had to learn a couple of hardcore lessons, which gave me the following takeaways:

Be at peace with yourself. The world is rubbish by itself and most likely already fucking you up, no need to add fuel to the fire by fighting your own mind. Accept that things are the way they are right now, and learn to live with it. It took me quite a while to come to terms with this, and I must say it has been my biggest changing point so far. Even problematic breathing becomes easier when you just acknowledge that it’s there and not try to fight it so much.

Time is never on your side. Whatever it is that you’ve been thinking of doing, do it right away. I’ve learned the hard way that The Universe never lets anyone know how long they’ve got, and in most cases, you might not be around long enough to catch up with that one agenda you’ve been putting off. The clock stops when it runs out of battery, but time doesn’t. Just get up and do it already.

The rest of the world won’t care. Now, I don’t mean to get emo and all, but in the end, not everyone will play along with your sob story. You might be at a grave disadvantage, or you might not be able to do some things most people are free to do. The sad truth is, not everyone will have the capacity, or just the will power to sympathize or empathize. As I was told a couple of weeks ago, “At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter whether you can keep up with the pace, the world doesn’t stop turning for anyone”.

Be thankful. Again, the world is absolutely rubbish right now and I’m sure a lot of people would agree with me on that. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to be grateful for. If you’re reading this in a developed country, then this might not seem that much to you. But as someone who actually has to go out of her hometown just to get a whiff of fresh air, I can’t stress enough how this point matters.

I’ve never been much into self-help and getting all wise and shit, but dangit. I pretty much just died and lived to tell the tale. And when you gain new perspectives on life, you just gotta make sure you actually take notes, you know? Just had to post this to remind myself when I need it.

I’ll most probably get all ranty and mouthy come next post, but let this be for the record that I am actually really, really enjoying the fact that I am still alive now.

 

24 – the “oh” moment.

Sep
24

After spending a whole night in the dumps, I just realized that having had heart problems for a while now, I’m most probably one of the biggest experts when it comes to navigating through life with a broken heart.

Oof haha.

Oh come on, don’t we all love a little self-deprecating joke moment every once in a while?

23. the random realization

Sep
09

Funny how things have changed so much within a few years.

I just woke up from my deep slumber, after losing sleep due to nightmares the previous night.

Surprisingly, I woke up feeling so thankful for being so-well rested. And also, I can’t help but to notice the stark change.

I remember a couple of years ago waking up at roughly the same time of morning, only to cry my eyes out due to the fact that I actually still had to wake up and didn’t just go in my sleep.

I see, this has been one of those times when you are really just grateful for the most random moments.

22. the (un)triumphant return

Sep
07

Well, well. Look who’s back here.

Yes, it has indeed been ages since I last wrote here. More than one year. And what a period it has been.

Some 1+year later, a few kilograms heavier, after a new job, some few more countries visited, some new people encountered, a new way of approaching life viewed, I guess now I can say, yours truly is back here to stay.

I guess the picture above sums up my life lately. Still somewhat blurry and out of place, but hey. If it feels good, then I feel good.

21 – the other plans

Feb
26

Japan was nice. Cold, but nice.

Truth be told, I wasn’t sure whether I was going until the weekend before. Not with all that was going on in my head. But then again, I had the tickets, reservations, visa, everything. I literally took off to the airport only thinking “Well, it would have been a bigger waste if I had ended up not going”.

In all fairness, it didn’t really take my mind 100% off of things. Especially not about you, in case you’re reading this (and I’m sure you know who you are).

However, it certainly was nice to get away from my own thoughts. God knows I haven’t been in the best mental state these days, and the trip really served as a good distraction. 7 days of only thinking about where to go and what new sights to see was definitely a much needed change.

And also, what better way than a 7-day trip topped off by a 7-hour flight to make me realize that I actually have other things to think about. It’s like the big blinking “JUST CHILL ALREADY” sign finally went on in my brain.

I’m not suddenly going to get all “I’m a world traveler” and the like, God knows when I’m going to even be able to secure another day of leave. But yes, this was a nice little sobering trip away from all the mess in my head.

Really hope there will be more chances alike, though I’m not sure when.